Cheese

Tales of the Cheese...

Recently, with the surge in popularity of Cheese Grater, there have been many people coming forward, claiming to be the biggest Cheese Grater fan of all. They also have a tendency to claim that the band sold out after the "How Fatis your monkey?" sessions, but that’s another story.

So, maybe you are Ceg's best friend, maybe you claim you were at the South Lopham gig, maybe you did stick a picture on Stebbs on your homework diary, maybe you do put White Lightning on your cereal each morning, and maybe you do have "Would You like some Cheese?" tattooed on your arse, but without knowing "The Legends of The Cheese", you are nothing my son. And these aren't the droids you're looking for.

The sacred Texts were discovered in a cave in Scole, Norfolk; buy a group of "Scientists" who live behind Scole inn. They thought it could the secrets of life and humanity, but when they read it they realised it was just bollox, and threw it into the gutter.

And who should be rolling in that Gutter but Travis the lonely hobo, a key character in this story of destiny. As he huddled against the sheets of paper for warmth and comfort, with a trusty litre of white lighting in his hand, he drifted off slowly to sleep.

"Wake up you fat bastard!" " That’s our cider!" Travis awoke with a start to see two snotty punk kids standing in front of him. They were busy giving him a good kicking "Put the Boot in!" "Yeah let the boots do the Talking!" when one of them, who would turn out to be Stebbs, the leader of the great band Cheese Grater, who were at that time a Wesley Willis influenced Kiss tribute band called "Care Bears" noticed the bundle of papers in the poor bloke's pocket...."What's this, yer share options?" he cried, pulling them away from the smelly old tramp, and considering whether to rip them up or burn them.

What Happened then?!

Then Stebbs noticed something odd, there was a strange language written on the paper..."What have we here then?" he said, looking a lot like that bloke from Clockwork Orange.

What he had found would change his life and many lives around him forever. Stebbsy didn’t know it yet, but he had found "The Legend of the Cheese".

He and Taylor ran to the graveyard to study the texts using Stebbs' ltd edition Jedi magnifying glass from the official ltd edition Episode:I utility belt. This discovery was to form the basis of the anarcho punk band Cheese Grater.

Whilst the band are hesitant about giving away any secrets of the story that might prove harmful or damaging to people who are not from the immediate Cheese Grater family, who might use the powers for evil, they have released certain extracts.

These passages help us understand more fully the true nature of the Cheese, and how we can work its teachings into our daily life, and help us fight the deadly "Emo" and all it stands for as "Warriors of the Cheese!"

Only by using the prophesy of the cheese, we can hope to triumph over our arch enemy, the force of Emo, which stands for all that is evil and boring in this world.

Respect the Cheese!

The following words are taken from the scriptures of the ancient and holy book of skate n cheese whose message is sacred. The book, which foretells our fates and the fate of the world, the book written in a time long since forgotten. Read these words and remember them well, for they are your birthright.

(extract taken from) Book IX: The first trial

"......there will come a time when the way of the cheese grater will be threatened by an outside force with the most evil of intentions .As one new Cheesegrater joins another will begin to doubt his faith in the cheese and be tempted by the dark side. The evil will have a name and his name will be Emo!"

"At this time it is required that the cheesegrater must combine their powers to help the fallen one triumph over temptation and repent his sins, if however this is not reached then the outcome will be........"(its blurred from here on, i cant read it anymore)

Play nicely now children!

(Extract taken from) Book VII: The law of the cheese

"there will be many times when the faith of the cheesegrater is brought into question, many times when u will even question your own faith. But throughout this u must remember your birthright, the birthright of the Cheesegrater. It is what defines u, what separates u from the rest of humanity and gives u the strength to alter the future of the world."

"You must, however, never resort to the termination of a fellow Cheesegrater’s life force as this will affect the natural balance of the universe and could have unthinkable consequences. There is however hope for there is always a chance for retribution as the chosen one has yet to arrive"

Street Team

If you want to become a Warrior of the Cheese, and help Cheesegrater defeat the lowly tribes of Emo, in a quest of honour and dignity, be wary, because the path is both long and dangerous.

You will no-doubt already be aware of the emo menace prevading our society at this very moment, teenagers dissilusioned with the broken promises of nu-metal are turning towards a supposedly more positive new direction. Snatching up pairs of thick rimmed spectacles and Jack Kerouac novels, they are becoming dreamy and wistful, the opposite of what punk is supposed to stand for. especially prescient threats in recent weeks have been the Jimmy Eat World gig at Norwich Waterfront and the Kerrang tv channel showing a Saves-The-Day video. Even the cheese are not impervious to Emo's charms, Stebbsy is rhumoured to take inspiration from Saves-the-day frontman. Luckily ridicule over his "Rupert the Bear" style emo-clothes seems to have discouraged him for a while! Meanwhile, Matt Bailey leads the fight against Emo with his policy of loud guitars and no whining! You go matt!

Email here to start you initiation process.
Thanks.